


My Normal

by whichoneofusishikaru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Minor Character Death, Miya Atsumu is a Good Significant Other, Random & Short
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 14:02:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30123927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichoneofusishikaru/pseuds/whichoneofusishikaru
Summary: You are a girl, surrounded by death. Everywhere you go, you see people who are about to meet their end. Yet no matter how many times you see the prominent mark of death on someone's forehead, it never gets better. Then you meet Atsumu Miya, and for the first time in a long time, you feel normal, you feel in control.female reader (not rlly plot relevant)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Miya Atsumu/Reader, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Kudos: 3





	1. Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya posted this on wattpad under the same title plus username :)  
> i started writing this at 3am as a joke for my friend and thought why not post it ?

You are a girl, surrounded by death. Everywhere you go, you see people who are about to meet their end. Yet no matter how many times you see the prominent mark of death on someone's forehead, it never gets better.

You will never be able to save them

You tried to when they first started. The day after you lost your little sister. You had woken up to see death marks all around you. The cashier in the grocery store, the businesswoman talking in a foreign language on the phone, the toddler crying over his spilled ice cream. You didn't understand what they meant, just a circle with a cross through it here and there. Then, they started dropping like flies. The cashier had suffered a stroke, the businesswoman was murdered, the toddler drowned. Realization hit you like a bag of bricks to the head. Suddenly you were running around the neighborhood, yelling at the lady who had one too many cats, the young man who was leaving for the army. No matter how many times you tried to convince them of their upcoming demise, they never listened, and people continued to die.

Powerless. If there was one word to sum up how you felt, it would be powerless. There was guilt and grief tucked in there too, but it all boiled down to you not being able to save anyone. You were shaming your family by constantly yelling that everyone was going to die. But you were being truthful, everyone was. So you distanced yourself. You didn't make any more friends hoping you could save people by staying away from them. You distanced and distanced, it didn't matter how lonely you got, you had to save them. But when your parents came home with death marks on the middle of their faces, you realized it did not matter how much you hid. People kept dying.

The next best option was running. Which is how you end up here in Hyogo, a town smaller than Tokyo but still fairly large. You are starting your second year of high school here, living alone with the funds your parents left behind. You hope it'll be better, you hope the sight of death won't be as suffocating. But of course, you are wrong. You are a girl, surrounded by death.

Inarizaki High School is most known for its volleyball team. A powerhouse school, people call it. You used to enjoy playing sports, now you just hope to keep the athletes alive. You have not seen that many death marks yet. You know better than to feel relieved though. It always comes when you least expect it. Your goal for this school year is to keep as many people safe as possible. However you she not figured out how to accomplish this, in the past yelling "You're going to die" at someone wasn't very helpful, but you do not have any other plan at the moment. Making your way to your homeroom class you keep your head down and avoid interacting with the other students. While you figure out how to keep them safe, you don't need to introduce them to the curse you carry. Some girls whisper around you, others come up and offer you help. You decline, keeping your smile polite and your tone even. You can't bring yourself to look above their eyes, scared of what you might find.

The first thing you notice when you walk into class is a good looking guy in the middle row. You cannot allow yourself to get attached but that does not mean you cannot ignore that he is attractive. His honey yellow hair makes his brown eyes almost sparkle gold. His shaped eyebrows frame his face and, well, he's really fit. He's being flocked by multiple girls, it is almost as if he has his own harem. You can see why. The boy turns his attention to you and you are drawn to his almost amber eyes. He raises his hand in a half wave, and you bow your head slightly, before finding a seat at the opposite side of the class.

You are not allowed to become attached.

The day is uneventful, that might be because you keep your eyes trained on your dirtied shoes for the most of it. You are exiting the school grounds and hoping to make it home without any interactions when, of course, you collide with someone. You mumble out a string of apologies before looking up to see who you just crashed into. You are surprised to see you know this face. This was the face of the boy in your homeroom class, except with grey hair?

They must be twins you think. Oh.

You had researched Inarizaki and found out that the Miya Twins were star players. It did not seem that important so you did not inquire further but you did remember their names. Thinking back you recall the blonde boy's name was Atsumu, so this must be..

"You're the new girl" Osam Miya says, while you are still collecting your thoughts.

"Yea I just transferred here from Tokyo" you reply, not sure why one of the Miyas is having a conversation with you. Osamu nods at you before clearing his throat to fill the silence.

"Well Inarizaki is having a practice game today. You probably know we're a pretty big team, so anyways you can swing by if you want."

You nod, and he smiles and walks away.

Why did I agree to that?! You think as the grey-haired twin walks away. Crowds are not good for people with death visions. No matter how much your brain tells you not to go, you don't want to listen to it. You find yourself slowly making your way to the gym. It would be rude not to accept an invitation from a star player.

Plus, you reason with yourself, Osamu Miya didn't have a death mark. That has to be a good sign right?

Inarizaki is really good. You were expecting it, but this is something else. You watch as the team moves in perfect synchronization, and you soon get lost in the rhythm and dynamic of it all. Your attention is caught by the Miya Twins multiple times, and you find your gaze constantly settling on the blonde setter. He's a star for a reason. You watch as he sets the ball with precision, while the spikers are flashy, he's the brain behind it all. Watching Atsumu you realize he has something you always longed for. He has control.

The match wraps up. Inarizaki wins most of the sets. You watch as the players stretch and joke around with each other. Sitting in the stands you become aware of two things. It has been ages since you have felt this at peace, and Inarizaki doesn't have death marks. You have no idea what to do with either of these facts, but the second one makes you feel something akin to longing. The atmosphere of the team is so peaceful, so normal, you wish you could be a part of it. The sudden wave of guilt surprises you, and with it comes a memory.

Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.

Blood, cold, screaming, dead.

Right. You are not allowed normal. You are cursed. Forgetting that and ignoring the death around you is not possible. It is useless wishing to be as carefree as one of the players on the court. The most you could do, is distance yourself from their bliss, and hope that is enough to protect it.

The bleachers feel suffocating all of a sudden. You need to get out of here, you need to get away from these people. Keeping your head bowed down you rush out of the gym. You don't notice the amber eyes trailing after you, or hear the blonde boy call out. It is only when you feel the presence of another body beside you that you realized Atsumu had followed you.

"Are you okay?" he asks. "You look really shaken up."

You look at his warm features, his bare forehead, the sincerity in his eyes. You cannot curse this.

You don't deserve this.


	2. Part 2

You lay on the bare cot of your shabby apartment, studying the cracks in the ceiling. You connect the lines making patterns and faces in the ceiling. The pitter patter of your leaky tap sounds like white noise in the back of your mind. You focus on everything yet nothing at all.

Atsumu had called after you when you ran away from him. You did not want to lie, did not want to tell him that you were not okay for various reasons. You banish the thoughts of honey coloured hair and amber eyes and focus back on the ceiling. You've been lying here ever since you got back. Time had seemed to slow, but now as you sit up you realize that dusk has already set in. Your bed calls out in protest as you get up and you fight the urge to lie back down, the grumbling in your stomach protests louder. You walk a couple steps to the kitchen, where your tap is still leaking, and realize that just like the rest of the apartment, the fridge is empty. You sigh and stand up. Memories of a gym full of life flash by. You store them away in a little box, and slink back into bed. You are back to being alone.

You don't see Atsumu the next day when you walk into class. Breathing a sigh of relief you make your way to your desk, when you notice something on it. A box of strawberry shortcake and a little note. You thumb open the purple paper and read- or decipher- the messy handwriting.

Sorry if I made you uncomfortable yesterday:) Take these as an apology!

Your stomach cheers where your mind turns downcast. You really do not want to push this away.

You don't have a choice.

The week continued on and you continued to avoid the setter twin. While you think Atsumu has gotten the message, you continue to receive little gifts on your desk each morning. You don't know if they are all still apologies or not. A drink, more cakes, sometimes just a note with a smiley face on it. One day you find a box of sushi along with another note.

I notice you don't eat much during school. Food's important so fill up!

You smile fondly down at the purple paper then turn your attention to the sushi. It's true that you hadn't been eating much to conserve your funds, but had he really been paying that much attention? Maybe he wanted to get closer than you thought. You wish you could not be opposed to it.

The next day your desk is void of gifts. You ignore the small pang in your chest and rationalize that his apologies are over, and that they were nothing more than that. You take your seat just as Atsumu rushes through the door face flush and quickly moves by your desk, dropping a small purple note on it, before circling back and taking a seat. This time it is harder to ignore the victorious pull inside your heart, and open note.

Swing by the gym before practice?

Your brain said no, but your emotions drowned out all reasoning. Nothing bad happened the last time you followed one of the Miyas into the gym did it? As far as you knew they were not affected by your curse.

Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.

Blood, cold, screaming, dead.

No one can outrun it

You shake your head and chastise yourself for being so foolish. It is your job to keep as many people safe as possible. You scribble a quick "can't sorry" on the note before crumpling it up and throwing it at the back of the blonde's hair. He quickly looks up before seeing the note and turning to smile at you. Guilt manifests in the pit of your stomach as you turn to look back at your desk.

It's for his own good.

You risk looking back at him, wondering if he'll be disappointed. You are startled when you see he's already looking at you, his gaze calculating. He may seem like the aloof, popular, guy but the way his eyes rake over your face you know that there is more to him. Your mind goes back to the game.

Control.

The teacher comes in then telling the class to settle down. You feel his gaze on you for the remainder of the lecture.

You don't stick around after school, heading straight for the gates, head bowed as usual.

"Y/N" someone calls.

No not someone, you know that voice. You speed up slightly, hoping Atsumu doesn't pick up on it. You want to protect him, not be stingy and rude. You're almost off school grounds when a hand grabs your wrist. Your body rejects the contact and you whirl around pulling your hands in close. Atsumu is behind you and immediately puts his hands up.

"Are you okay?!" he starts, "I'm so sorry you looked really stressed out and you've been avoiding me-"

"I'm fine!" you quickly say, and you aren't lying. You really do feel fine, something about confirming that it was just the setter had calmed you down.

Atsumu seems to calm after that but is still visibility guarded.

"Um I was just going to invite you to practice, or maybe if you wanted to walk around.." he trailed off probably feeling like an idiot bringing up going on a walk after he startled you.

You think about the invitation. Your brain still strongly rejects it but your emotions scream even louder now. You analyze every bit of his face.

No death mark, you reason with yourself.

"Just a walk" you say hesitantly. The truth is, you want to hang out with Atsumu Miya. There's something calming about his presence, he's a nice guy, plus, he's attractive.

Atsumu brightens up immediately and smiles. You swear he looks like the sun. It suits him, he seems warm.

He leads you around the school grounds and you stop at a vending machine to get drinks. The silence isn't awkward but there's room for conversation.

"So Osamu tells me you moved here from Tokyo? Isn't this a bit of a downgrade?" he questions chuckling a little.

"I'm not good with big crowds" you answer, "And shouldn't you be defending your hometown?"

Atsumu laughed outright at this and if his smile was not bright enough his laugh was enough to put the stars out of commission. You caught yourself and your thoughts came to a halt.

YOU AREN"T ALLOWED THIS.

Atsumu was looking at you again, concern evident on his face.

"Y/N?' he called.

You realized you had zoned out and offered him a weak smile before trying to excuse yourself. You needed to leave. Memories of that day played in a loop in your brain. You kept chanting "No death mark" to keep your panic from spilling over.

"This was nice but I can't" you say, quickly turning around.

"You can't what?" Atsumu asks. "Y/N stop!"

A hand grabs your wrist again but you don't lash back this time. It feels good, grounding. Your world is always spinning out of control and here a boy with honey coloured hair and a laugh brighter than the stars anchors you.

"Hey, look at me," he says.

So you do, and his eyes are full of kindness and worry and you can't lie to him, the hand on your wrist is now a reminder that you cannot run either. You're trapped, you break down.

The sobs come out of nowhere and they surprise you. It's been ages since you have cried.

"What's wrong?" Atsumu asks, pulling you closer, his grip tightening.

You cannot tell him about the death visions, the thought is almost laughable. Instead you settle for a half truth.

"I can't do this," you repeat, "People always leave."

"Who?" he questions.

Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.

Blood, cold, screaming, dead.

You never thought you would share the story, much less with a stranger that had no sense for personal boundaries. You surprise yourself when you start.

"My little sister," you say, "It was the summer before my first year of high school. We were going out for ice cream, and she was so excited. I told her to calm down but she just wouldn't." You are gasping for air at this point, but you need to get it all out.

"We were about to cross over to the shop and then she ran ahead, and I told her to stop. I screamed but it was too late, I couldn't save her, I was supposed to save her! Protect her!"

Atsumu keeps his eyes trained on yours but you can see the tears pooling.

"After that it was both my parents. People keep leaving, they keep dying."

You feel yourself being pulled into his arms but you're too emotionally drained to think anything of it.

"You can't keep distancing yourself" he says "Not everyone will leave."

"How do you know that?" you ask, with a bit more bite than you intended.

He chuckles softly. "Fine then, I won't leave."

Your heart swells then deflates.

"You don't get to decide that."

"Ouch" he says, pretending to be fake hurt.

"It's my choice to leave so actually I do get to decide that, and you don't have to worry about me dying."

You pull away to look at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

He grins cheekily then winks.

"I'm invincible."


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have 6 parts of this written, i'll probably post all of them today and it should be finished by next week :)

You end up going with Atsumu to practice, noticing how your chest feels significantly lighter. Even though you hadn't told the entire truth, you feel as though your burden has lessened.

You make your way into the gym, taking in how the atmosphere is just how it was on your first day. A couple students watch from the stands, cheers here and there. The Inarizaki team was fanned out on the court, some people were practicing spikes, others blocked, a jumpy looking kid ran around bumping up as many balls as he could before they touched the ground. The team was still full of life, void of death.

Atsumu leads you around to a group of players and you recognize one of them immediately to be Osamu. The grey haired twin looks up as he sees Atsumu then his gaze flicks to you. He gives you a solid nod before focusing back on what another grey haired player is saying.

"You've already met Osamu" Atsumu says, slapping his twin on the back, to which he earns a pointed glare and a subtle kick to the shin. Atsumu pulls away scandalized before shifting and leaning on one of the other players in the group. He looks much more reserved, and doesn't seem to match the same excitable energy the rest of the team has. Still, you recognize him from the practice match, you remember him being really good.

"This is Suna, one of our middle blockers." Suna shifts his hazel green eyes to yours and huffs slightly in greeting. Atsumu points to Osamu then back at Suna before making a kissy face behind them. He lacks the component of stealth however, and in a second Osamu is on him yelling insults and tackling his brother to the ground. You hold back a laugh as Suna takes out his phone and records the whole ordeal, reminding yourself to ask for the video later. Finally Atsumu collects himself and immediately bounces towards the last unintroduced member of the group, who now you realize, has something evident to disappointment on his face.

"This is Kita, our wonderful captain!"

"Compliments aren't going to save you this time but luckily your friend here did"

Kita turns to you and bows.

"It is a pleasure to have you here, Atsumu has told us about you"

Your face flushes at how formally he greets you, and your cheeks only brighten more with that last bit of information. You look to Atsumu, who grins sheepishly before running onto the court.

Atsumu on the court you realize, is way different than the one you know. Instead of quiet and caring it brings out a confident air in him that's borderline arrogant and cocky. You didn't notice it during the practice match but now his energy is hard to ignore. You also give mental props to Kita, who seems to fill in the holes, and bring everyone together. You quickly see why he's the captain. Suna has the same quiet demeanor as off the court, but it seems like concentration now. You can see him calculating the way others are going to move, and more often than not he is right. The spikers are powerful, and the bouncy kid, who you now see is the libero, dives to save balls that you thought were impossible to reach. Just like your first day here, you are transfixed on the atmosphere they create.

Practice wraps up and everyone is drenched in sweat and gasping for air. You watch as they move sluggishly to the changing room, not knowing if you should leave or not. You don't get a chance to decide because Atsumu runs up to you then. Before you can marvel at how fast he can change he's dragging you outside the gym to where Osamu and Suna somehow already wait. How long had I waited for? You think.

"We're going to get ramen you should come with us." Atsumu says once you've reached the other two.

"Don't pressure her, it's a choice." Osamu chatsies.

You wonder how often they argue. Suna's tired looks answers your unsaid question.

"I'll go" you say, not thinking much of it. You're still enjoying the light feeling in your chest from your earlier question.

"Don't you have to ask your parents?" Osamu questions.

Atsumu's eyes snap to his twin as your body becomes heavy again. You didn't think you had it in you to repeat the story.

Suna, sensing the tension in the air decided to step in.

"You can run back home, change, and meet us there," he offered.

You suddenly appreciated the calculating boy much more. Atsumu also nodded while Osamu remained eyeing you and his twin with suspicion. He had enough social skills to know he had to back down however, and waited while Atsumu gave you his number and texted you the location.

"I'll see you in a bit!" you say, then run off towards your house.

You can't help but hope Atsumu doesn't tell Osamu too much.

You hadn't realized how late practices go on till. The sun has almost set by the time you reach your apartment, and when you leave for the location Atsumu gave you, night has set in. You don't worry about staying out late as you walk down the dark streets, no ones waiting for you back at your apartment anyways. You didn't have it in you to call it home yet. Homes didn't feel that empty. In fact, the practice gym felt like more of a home by now.

Inarizaki would make a good family, you think. You didn't catch yourself then, didn't realize how attached you had become to a team you had just met. Instead you catch a lady with a death mark carrying her groceries home.

I haven't seen one in so long, you realize.

Seeing it is a harsh reminder of the burden you carry. Instead of telling the woman to be careful of the night, you bow your head and keep walking.

Not like you can save them anyways.

The ramen shop is better quality than you expected it to be, especially since it was in the middle of nowhere. Only a dingy furniture shop bordered it on one side, and on the other an empty parking lot. The inside completely contrasts the out, with a warm atmosphere and bustling with customers. You wonder where all the people came from, you didn't see any cars in the lot. The three others sit in a booth at the back, spotting them you quickly make your way over. Their voices linger with the low chatter circling the room, then stop when Atsumu sees you and waves. It's all incredibly calming, and helps you shake your interaction with the death mark woman earlier. Still, you don't look at the other patrons, hoping the shop reamined as untouched as Inarizaki's gym.

You sit down and Atsumu orders 4 regulars after confirming that it was fine with you. He excuses himself to the washroom then, leaving you alone with the other two. The tension came down then like a heavy blanket. Osamu shifts uncomfortably, most likely from the remark he made earlier, and Suna looks on edge as well.

"Listen," Osamu starts.

"It's okay," you say, smiling softly.

"There was no way for you to know, and it's not like people haven't assumed before."

Suna relaxes then, but the grey haired teen still looks guilty.

"Still, I brought you something to apologize, please accept it."

Osamu pulls out a box of strawberry shortcake. You brighten immediately, remembering Atsumu's continuous apology gifts. In the back of your mind you wonder if those had been Osamu's ideas. Atsumu comes back as you accept the cake, and not long after your food arrives as well. You eat and get to know the three better, secretly thankful that they don't pry into your personal life that much.

Suna, you learn, has 2 cats and a snake. He also lives alone because his family didn't approve of the fact that he kept bringing animals home. You're thankful not to be the only one separated from their family, but also sad someone else has to suffer living alone. Suna doesn't seem to mind it though, and you wonder if he likes his animals more than his parents. The middle blocker also has an extensive collection of videos solely of the twins. In some they bicker, in another they're dressed up as each other. You later ask Suna to send you your favourites.

The Miya twins used to be brunettes, which explains the similar coloured eyebrows. You secretly prefer the different coloured hair. Telling them apart before would have been migraine inducing. They started playing volleyball way before high school, not surprising considering their skill, but you notice Atsumu seems to orbit around it just a bit more. You wonder if this bothers Osamu.

The night passes by and more stories are shared. Under the warm coloured lights, surrounded by the chatter of the other patrons, you feel genuinely happy. The lady from earlier is now a faraway memory. Once the four of you realize the time you quickly rush out and bid your goodbyes. Atsumu stays by your side when the other two turn to leave. You and Osamu turn to look at him expectantly.

"It would be rude to make a lady walk home alone at night" Atsumu reasons.

Osamu, apparently happy with this explanation, turns around and catches up to a waiting Suna, leaving the two of you alone. Atsumu turns to you and bows a bit, the display looks rather silly and you can't help but chuckle lightly.

"Shall we milady?" he asks, putting his hand out.

You don't hesitate to take it.

The walk home remains silent. The stars light up your path, and instead of conversing you both look up and try to make out the constellations. You give up after a bit, and turn your gaze instead to the boy next to you. Under the light of only the stars, you discover a new Atsumu. Not the understanding, caring, one beside the vending machines. Nor the confident, cocky one on the court. He was peaceful, he looked like he was in deep thought but at the same time void of any thought at all. Warm and bright, but cold and distant. Careful, but carefree. Everything and nothing.

Who is Miya Atsumu?

He takes your hand then, pulling you out of your thoughts.

Right, you think.

It doesn't matter who he is, he's here, and that's what matters.

You stop in front of your apartment. Atsumu's hand rests on the small of your back, pushing you forward gently. Your skin tingles from the contact, and for the first time you don't want to be left alone. He gives you a slight hug, then with a wave he's off, taking all the comfort and security with him. You don't know how it's possible, but your apartment seems more empty than before.


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments:) enjoy

After a night surrounded by the 3 teammates, the thought of staying alone in your apartment for the weekend depresses you. Too scared to go out alone and interact with crowds, you find yourself sitting on the bare hardwood floors, and surround yourself with memories. The walls that surround you look pale in comparison to the ones painted in your mind. Ones that were covered with family photos, floral paintings, certificates and accomplishments. You imagine the constant buzz that would radiate through your old house; someone cooking in the kitchen, the sound of keyboard clicks from your dad's office, and pencil scratching from your mom's. You imagine the soft thumps of your sister's footsteps travelling through your halls. You stop reminiscing and the memories of your past dissipate, leaving you with nothing but the dull ache of being alone settling in your bones. The pain of missing someone isn't as sharp as it once was, but nonetheless still there. Phantom pains. They stay with you along with the rest of your ghosts. Shaking your head, you look around your apartment and notice something; for someone who hates death, your house looks the farthest thing from alive.

Calling Atsumu had been a decision made in haste, but not one you regretted. After explaining your living situation he had agreed to help you spice things up. It solved your lonely weekend problem, as well as your decorating problem. Which is how you ended up here, watching as Atsumu drapes himself with multicoloured curtains, asking you which one would look the best. You try not to snicker as he gets caught in the delicate fabric, twisting himself up until he looks like a multicoloured candy cane. "What do you think?" he asks, posing as if the curtains are a fashionable garment. Your laugh bursts through your lips before you can answer, and you rush to untangle him before the two of you get kicked out. Atsumu pouts a little bit as the fabric is stripped from him, as if he wished to wear it out of the store. You flick his nose, and he swats your hand away while laughing. "We still have a lot of things to get so no goofing off" you reprimand him. He pouts again, deeper this time, before it breaks out into a grin. "Whatever you say, Y/N."

Once you've gotten all that you think you need, (as well as some things Atsumu insisted on getting), the two of you make your way to your apartment. When you get outside you start to feel a little self conscious. Not because the two of you will be alone, you trust him to not do anything, but because your living condition embarrasses you slightly. Still, you usher him inside, and watch as he stands in the middle of your bedroom/living room/kitchen, taking it all in. Atsumu lets out a low whistle before turning to look at you. "You weren't lying when you said this place was depressing," he says. "Which is why," you answer, lifting up the bags and putting them down next to him, "We need to get to work."

The two of you slowly work to transform the apartment into a place that you might be able to call home. The cracked white walls are the first thing you change, painting them a sage green colour instead. Instantly the space looks less reminiscent of a hospital. You replace your white bed sheets with navy blue ones, and add a wooden headboard with the help of the blonde twin. The plastic table off to the side of your kitchenette gets replaced with a wooden one engraved with roses. Atsumu hangs up yellow fairy lights that remind you of the ramen place. Finally, a plush white rug and enough plants to turn your apartment into a greenhouse later, you've finished.

Dusk has long since set in, and the last slivers of the dying light pass through your new sheer curtains, making patterns on the floor. "Now this is more like it," Atsumu says, giving you a lazy grin. Small sweat beads roll down his temple, making him look like he just came off of the court, but the circumstances are way different.

"I'd definitely be okay with staying here alone now," you reply while nodding in agreement. You both stand in silence, taking in your hard work. "It's getting late, you should get home and eat something" you say. "Aw Y/N you really do care!" Atsumu says, fluttering his eyelashes in mock bashfulness. "Yea whatever I just don't want Osamu complaining to me that you came home cranky," you shoot back. This makes the setter chuckle and he flicks his hand to say "whatever" before speaking again. "Before I leave though," he says, making his way to the light switch. He flicks it off and your breath catches. The fairy lights illuminate the room with the help of the red sky and dying sun. They send golden orbs of light ricocheting of the walls and furniture. It was, to put it in one word, magical. "Wow," you breather out, turning your gaze to meet Atsumu.

His amber eyes linger on yours, but a little heavier than usual, a little more focused; you don't mind it. You've only known him for a couple of days, yet you've shown him the parts of yourself that others would only be able to notice if they paid close attention to what was behind your plastic smile. Plus, time seemed to slow when you were with him. It was if you had spent eternity together already, and yet, you knew almost nothing about him. Atsumu leans in closer, you don't mind it. Then, his lips are on yours, and you really don't mind it. He tastes like the honey of his hair, and that drips off his tongue when he speaks. His lips are soft, untouched, as if a lie or foul word has never passed them. As if they'd only ever known the stretch of a smile brighter than the stars. It was warm, blissful, safe, and it all came crashing down a moment later.

You cannot protect him

He looks startled when you pull away abruptly, eyes instantly looking up at his forehead. Empty. "Y/N?" Atsumu questions, he sounds worried. You cringe at your actions. The moment had been perfect, everything was what it should be. Guilt knaws at your mind, you want to throw up. The apartment that was inviting moments before feels like a cage now; it has you feeling trapped. "I'm sorry," you say, ithcing to escape somehow. You don't want to leave Atsumu, not him too, but you couldn't lose him either. "Y/N" he calls, voice more certain now, although it seems far off. Your lost in the maze of your mind, trying to find a way out of it, a way where both of you win. Strong hands grip your shoulders, breaking your trance. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he starts, "But I don't think that's it." His gaze weighs down heavily on you, so you avert your eyes, focusing instead on his hands. They're calloused, but not rough. At the end of his long fingers, his nails are cut short and neat. You wonder what stories are hidden in the lines of his palms. As you study them, one hand lifts to cup your face slightly.

"Remember what I said?" Atsumu asks you clearly. "I'm not going to leave you." With that, he brings you in close and wraps his muscled arms around you protectively. Your anxiety and panic subside, and you collapse in his grip. The boy supports your weight, and you are left with no thoughts, just the presence of Miya Atsumu.

You are invited to practice the next day, grateful you don't have to pass the rest of the weekend alone. Atsumu meets you outside your house, and the two of you make your way to the park. It isn't an official practice, just a couple teammates meeting up outside to play. No words are exchanged between the two of you, but the silence isn't suffocating. Last night Atsumu had left with another quick kiss and a promise to stay. You had a promise of your own, you wanted to get to know him better.

The park is big and green. Those are really the only two words you can think of to describe it. You spot a net and a couple teenagers who you assume are the group you are looking for, when something else catches your eye. A large group of people sat under the shade of some big trees on picnic blankets. Over half of them had death marks. You stiffen, which doesn't go unnoticed by Atsumu, who tenses up beside you. He follows your gaze, probably confused by why you're put on edge by the group, but he doesn't question it and instead drapes an arm over your shoulder to anchor you. It felt like a safety blanket, and also helped you breathe a bit despite the horde of death hovering so close by. You send a quick prayer their way, before letting Atsumu lead you to the net you were looking at earlier. When you arrive Osamu spots his twin's arm around your shoulder, and sends you a knowing look. You shoot one right back, as your gaze locks with his hand holding Suna's.

This practice is way different than the school ones, and everyone is noticeably looser. After watching the group for a bit, they invite you over to play. Volleyball is hard. You try to stick with familiar faces. Osamu and Suna teach you how to spike. The way Suna twists his torso amazes you, and the sheer force Osamu has blows you away. Atsumu shows you how to set, and you mimic the way the bouncy guy, who you learn is named Akagi, dives for the ball. After ending up soaked with sweat your respect for these guys increases immensely. You wonder how many hours Atsumu has dedicated to his sport to get this good.

That night you lie awake staring up at your ceiling. The ambience of your room has changed immensely since you last did this; after you ran away from Atsumu. You realize your relationship has changed a lot as well. You think about the past three days of your life, not remembering the last time you had this much fun. You wish to relive it, everything from eating with your new friends, the kiss, to playing the sport that was now a major part of your life. You don't sleep, even when darkness has set in and Lady Night has whisked away everyone else into a dreamless slumber. You wonder if in the early hours when no one else is awake, you can find a way to turn back time.


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was just a filler because the story felt a bit rushed, it doesn't really fit in with the plot so just think of it as a cute little side story :)

You wake up one morning to the buzzing of your phone instead of the shrill beeps of your alarm. You lift your phone up and blink away the sleep from your eyes to see who could be calling you. Instead of the usual spam caller id, bright letters make out the name "Miya Atsumu." You launch up in bed, fully awake now as you lift the phone to your ear, wondering what happened. Atsumu doesn't give you a chance to speak before he says, "Y/N I'm outside, hurry up and get dressed." Waves of panic wash over you as you rush to get dressed. You quickly pull on leggings and a big jumper before you hurry outside. Night still blankets the streets sending a chill up your spine. Your eyes search through the dark for familiar honey hair, but Atsumu is nowhere in sight. It's harder to keep your panic down now as you look through the dim streets, debating whether or not to call out his name. "Atsumu?" you call in a harsh whisper. The sound doesn't travel very far, seeming to get swept up in the night, or maybe early morning, air. "Y/N," someone whispers back. You jump around to see if the setter is anywhere to be found but the sound seems to have materialized out of nowhere.

"Over here," he calls again. This time you pinpoint the voice to be floating from... a bush? Cautiously, you make your way over to the shrub and peer over, surprised to find the hair that was absent from the street. Atsumu turns around, beckoning for you to crouch beside him. "Why'd you call me out here?" you huff out. The chill is getting harder to ignore as your panic subsides, getting replaced by irritation. In response, the boy makes some more frantic hand signals that you can't decipher before moving aside a little to reveal what he's been looking at. Lying down in the dirt between bushes, was a mother cat surrounded by kittens.

"Oh my god what are they doing here?" you ask, finally crouching next to the twin. "Well I was on a morning run and decided to swing by here when I heard her meowing," he starts, pointing to the mother cat. "She sounded like she was in pain so I looked over and she was giving birth. I didn't want her to be alone so I stayed here, but then I started to get cold so I called you. You take in his words, mulling them over in your mind. "Wait," you say, "A morning run?" You grab your phone from your pocket, shocked when it reads 6 am. Turning around you see the sun slowly creeping up from the horizon. "How early do you start your mornings?" you ask. Atsumu just shakes his head and points back to the cats. "What do we do with them?" he asks, and you're surprised at how worried he sounds. "I'll be right back." You run back into your apartment and search through your closet for an empty box. They're all filled with various items, so instead you just take a lighter one and dump its contents on the floor, before rushing back outside. "Here," you say, holding out the box. "We can carry them to the shelter in this. "Good idea Y/N!" Atsumu beams. The mess in your closet is definitely worth it.

The both of you walk through the now sunlight bathed streets to the shelter. You wish to have worn more layers, then feel bad about complaining when you notice Atsumu is only in his running gear. You look at the kittens, quietly mewing as they snuggled into their mom, then notice Atsumu's eyes on them as well. Looking up at the blonde boy, you are surprised to see his face, so... soft. "Do you want to keep one?" you ask, regretting it when his face falls. "Ah, no. I don't think my parents will let me." You nod sympathetically, and think about what you could say to lift his spirits for the rest of the walk. When you arrive at the shelter, you realize it's not something you can say, but something you can do. "Go ahead and go home, I'll be fine," you tell Atsumu after depositing the kittens. "Are you sure?" he asks, looking hesitant about leaving you alone. "Yeah," you assure him, "I have some errands to run and plus you look freezing." He nods at this before waving and running off. You watch his retreating form, before turning around and walking right back into the shelter.

That afternoon you clean up your apartment and organize a few things before calling Atsumu.

"Hey Y/N what's up?"

"Do you have a minute?"

"Yea, why?"

"Can you come over?"

"Wow miss me already?"

"Haha very funny. Yes and no, I want to show you something."

"Okay Okay I'll be there in a bit."

Not long after you hang up, someone's knocking at your door. Atsumu smiles as you let him in, and you watch him as he looks around. He notices the small changes first: a litter box, food bowls, a cat tree, a small padded box. Then, slowly, he turns around to face you. Your heart sores at how hopeful his expression looks, before you point towards your bed. The blonde gasps and you can't help but let out a small laugh as he runs towards the little animal on your bed. Adopting one of the kittens had been a split second decision, but seeing Atsumu's fond expression made all your regrets wash away. That soft look was back, mixed with one of pure happiness. He lifts up the small grey kitten. It's eyes were big and yellow. When asked later you denied that choosing it had anything to do with the blonde's colour palette. "I can't believe it," Atsumu says, cradling the animal to his chest. "You looked like you wanted one really bad but you couldn't have it, and it's nice to have another living thing staying with me so," you shrug, wrapping up your explanation. "Come by anytime you want, it's yours as much as it is mine." At this Atsumu tears up. He sets the kitten down before launching himself at you. "This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," he says, enveloping you in a bone crushing hug. "Don't let your teammates hear you say that," you laugh, trying to distract your racing heart. "Does it have a name?" he asks. You shake your head, "Couldn't think of one." Atsumu inspects the cat a bit before triumphantly stating you should name the cat "Miya." You let out an exasperated sigh but you don't reject the idea, deflecting it instead. "Are you sure you want to share the name with your brother and the cat?" "I'd choose the cat over my brother anyday," he states, and the two of you erupt in laughter. You spend the rest of the afternoon playing and looking after the little kitten, reminding yourself to tell Suna later. That day you discovered something new. Miya Atsumu was a cat lover.

The next day you wake up to the buzzing of your phone, again. You let out a couple incoherent grumbles before picking up and pressing it to your ear. "Y/N i'm outside, hurry up and get dressed." Atsumu offers no more explanation before hanging up. Just like the day before the sun has not yet risen, and your precious sleep is whisked away by a blonde haired menace. You bundle up this time, before carefully stepping over the sleeping Miya on the floor, and hoping no more strays end up giving birth outside your house. Outside, Atsumu is the first thing you spot, and you notice he's bundled up too this time; and not hiding in a bush. He's also holding a bag that looks like it's about to explode, and you hope you don't have to hide a body at 5 am in the morning. Accomplice to murder does not look good on a resume. Although, after seeing the top of a beach ball poking up from an unzipped part, it seems unlikely. "As a thank you for yesterday," Atsumu states very loudly, and you silently pray all your neighbours have hearing issues, "I will be taking you on a thank you date!" Wait what.

You wonder if being crudely woken up and forced to walk all the way to the beach with an arrogant teenager counts as kidnapping. Atsumu chatters noisily in your ear while he leads you to the "secret destination" and you pretend not to care because god forbid someone finds out you're interested in the importance of healthy nails for a setter. You arrive at the beach as the first light of day comes up from behind the waves. "Surprise!" Atsumu yells, and you don't bother telling him about the beach ball sticking out from his bag, instead opting for a dramatic look of shock. "You're so shocked haha," he laughs, and you bob your head in time with the waves, mentally facepalming yourself. Atsumu runs ahead, kicking up sand in his wake, and you jog to catch up with him. He unzips his bag and starts pulling items out, like a magician would from their hat. It's not long before a makeshift picnic has been set up on the sand. This time you are a little surprised, not aware the other teen could pull something like this off, or that he would put in the effort to. "Osamu helped me with the food," he says, smiling up at you and waiting for a reaction. "I love it," you say, sitting down on the checkered blanket and looking at the collection of goods set up on it. "But before we eat," Atsumu starts, and then he's dragging you towards the water.

You laugh as he pulls you knee deep. He grins mischievously before taking a handful of water and spraying you. You sputter and try not to get the salty water in your eyes as you glare up at him. The blonde has the audacity to stick out his tongue before running away. You chase after him, launching yourself at his waist and bringing down the both of you. You struggle with Atsumu as your limbs tangle together, then finally break the surface of the water, laughing and gasping for air. You continue to water fight, then go back to play with the beach ball. Your amateur skills seem comedic on the sand, and you continue to slip and fall while laughing with the blonde twin. When the sun beams down at you from right above you, you both finally retire to the picnic blanket. You're soaked to bone, and shiver slightly as you sit down. Atsumu is quick to pull out another blanket, and wrap both of you in it. You blush slightly, before snuggling in closer to his warmth, and filling your empty stomach.

That day you learn a lot about Miya Atsumu. He's horrible at keeping surprises. He can wake up super early and not be tired. He cares a lot about manicured nails. He sucks at water fights and pouts when he loses. He's just as good as beach volleyball as regular volleyball which is not fair at all. He shows he cares a lot through actions. He loves strawberry shortcake. He prefers chocolate pocky. He's a worse cook than Osamu. He's very warm.


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a bit rushed because i ran out of motivation juice

Monday brings the promise of a fresh start. Your weekend was nothing less than amazing, and you hope the rest of the week follows suit. A hope that gets crushed on your walk to school. The traffic of the main street passes by in a blur. Honks ring out here and there, people yell at the oncoming cars. You used to get anxious because of the commotion and was constantly looking out for death marks, but the street had an abundance of them, so you learned to look away. That was what you were doing right now. Keeping your eyes trained on the path in front of you instead of the death trap beside you. However, on that morning there was a voice you could not ignore. "Mommy!" a child called out.  
She sounds just like-  
You whirl around and look into the street, zeroing in on a girl who looks to be five years old about to run across the street to the other side. On her forehead, was the mark you had come to regret seeing so much.  
Nonopleaseshe'sjustakid  
You reach out, as if your hand could expand and snatch her up before it was too late. Human bodies don't work like that though, and instead you watch her hurl herself into the busy street. The sound that comes out of your mouth is inhumane. Somewhere between a growl and a choked sob, but it gets drowned out by her mother's scream. The anguished look on her face takes you back 6 years.  
Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.  
Blood, cold, screaming, dead.  
Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.  
Blood, cold, screaming, dead.  
Pig tails, summer, smiling, alive.  
Blood, cold, screaming, dead.  
It repeats in your mind like a broken record. A mantra, a reminder. You collapse on the sidewalk and once again the feeling of being powerless crashes into you at full force.  
Why can I never save them?  
You don't bother getting up and finishing the trek to school. Instead, you sit on the cold sidewalk and stare at the street in a daze. You watch as the paramedics arrive and wheel the injured into the back of the ambulances. The death marks tell you that three of them won't make it. You watch as the rest of the emergency responders wrap up the scene. You watch as the street is cleaned, no evidence of death every touching it remains. The shadows grow longer, and the darkness swallows you up. Still, you sit on the sidewalk. You don't even feel the cold anymore, you just feel numb.

"Y/N!" a voice calls out. You don't respond to it. Your eyes are still glued to the road, burning the image into your retinas so that you remember what happened. What happened to the child, the three in the back of the ambulances. Atsumu drops down next to you. "I've been looking for you all day. What happened?" he asks. You look up at him, then back at the road, hoping this action conveys what you can't express using words. You have no such luck. "You're shivering, here," he says instead, draping his sweater over your shoulders. You don't bother telling him that you can't feel anything. The blonde doesn't bother telling you to stand up, instead he leans in closer to you, and holds you in his arms. Warmth, security, grounded, control. Your shallow breaths get interrupted by a deep gasp as you come back to your senses. Atsumu looks down at you with his amber eyes, and the dam breaks. The morning turns into word vomit that spills from your mouth and into the space between the both of you. By the end of the story, silent tears pour down your face. You modified the story to hide the death marks. You can't tell him about those.  
"Y/N," Atsumu says softly, and then he's pulling you even closer. "I am so sorry you had to see that." You cry into his shoulder, breathing him in. He smells like sunflowers, you hold onto the scent. "I could've saved her," you say. "There are so many people I can save but I don't, I just watch them die. I'm powerless, I can't do anything, I can't save them." Atsumu brings a hand to your chin, tilting your face up to meet his. "No one expects you to save the world Y/N. You do more than enough for everyone, don't beat yourself up over something you can't control." The words bring you some comfort, but you've already said them to yourself multiple times. "I just think there's something more I can do, I have the power to but I don't," you whisper softly. "There are more than one way to save people," he says back. "Kind words, small actions, gentle smiles, they go a long way." You go over his words in your mind. You think about the things that Atsumu has given you. Words of encouragement, small gifts, and the brightest smiles. "You're right," you say. "Thank you." You lean more into his side and he smiles. You realize Atsumu has saved you a lot.


End file.
